Time After Time (It was Always You)
by inukagome15
Summary: For all the pain that their lives bring them, a little joy is well-deserved. And this joy is something that has been a long time coming. Or a look at Steve and Tony's relationship through the years.


**This is a gift fic for _rumikofujikawa_ on tumblr as I'm participating in the stevetonysecretsanta event on tumblr. Normally I do the Cap/Iron Man Holiday Exchange on AO3, but this year I opted out and decided to do something a little more low-key.**

 **So who's down for holiday fluff, romance, and mild angst? Also featuring a surprise guest character that kept appearing in every scene.**

 **Who can tell I hate summaries?**

 **Summary:** For all the pain that their lives bring them, a little joy is well-deserved. And this joy is something that has been a long time coming. Or a look at Steve and Tony's relationship through the years.

* * *

 **Time After Time (It was Always You)**

* * *

It was loud, but then he hadn't expected anything else. Parties usually weren't quiet unless they were the unhappy kind, and this was anything but unhappy. That and the superheroes. Put a lot of superheroes in one place and add good food, music, cookies, and warm drinks and one inevitably ended up with a loud smorgasbord.

Not that Tony was complaining. He'd been going for a loud party when putting it together. It was perfect after all the chaos and pain of the last so many months ( _lifetime_ ).

It looked like it was a rousing success, but the night was still early.

No one had toppled over the twelve foot tall tree yet, and Tony was expecting something to happen to it. Maybe not destruction, but _something_.

It was like that one Swedish goat that always got set on fire every year. The Avengers' Christmas tree never made it through a party without something happening to it.

One year it had somehow lost all its needles. No one had fessed up to it, but Doreen had looked rather shiftily innocent in the aftermath.

Tony smiled into his glass of non-alcoholic eggnog as he saw Luke hold Dani up to the tree, letting her reach out to tap at one of the less fragile ornaments. Most of the ornaments weren't fragile, but there were a few nicer ones tucked away in the top branches. They'd survived this long simply because no one wanted to face Jarvis's wrath if they were broken.

The same could be said for the good china.

Eggnog slipped over the glass's rim and to his nose when someone unexpectedly kissed his cheek.

"Hey," Tony said once he managed to rub it off, giving the offender a mildly reproving glare.

His response was an unrepentant grin, along with another kiss closer to his mouth. "Hey."

Sighing, Tony relaxed into the arm that slipped around his waist. "You did that on purpose."

"Well, I can't help it, can I?" Steve's grin crinkled his eyes, and he ducked in to press his nose to Tony's temple. "My best guy's standing here, looking all happy…"

"I'm sensing an 'and' here."

Tony could feel the vibrations through Steve's chest as he chuckled. "And there's mistletoe."

A glance up confirmed this, although Tony was relatively sure there had been no mistletoe there when he'd first started standing here. He suspected meddling, but it didn't bother him. He tilted his head, smiling at Steve. "You gonna kiss me properly, then, Winghead?"

Steve's answer was another kiss, this one on the lips. It was gentle and dry, simply a press of lips, but it was so tender that it warmed Tony's chest. When he drew apart, he murmured, "You don't even have to ask, Shellhead."

Tony smiled, shifting his eggnog glass to his other hand so he loop his own arm around Steve. He looked up in time to catch young Sam sneaking off with an entire plate of what looked like Jarvis's special cookies. Miles was right behind him.

The gentle press of Steve's lips to his hair tugged Tony's attention back to his partner, more specifically to the distant expression in his eyes.

"Hey, honey…" Tony tightened his grip reassuringly. "Where're you at?"

Blinking slowly, Steve's eyes refocused on Tony. He took a moment to answer, seeming lost in thought. "Do you…remember the first time we did this?"

Tony could have asked what Steve meant by "this." The first time they kissed? The first time they stood next to each other at a party filled with Avengers?

But he knew what Steve meant, and the answer would always be—

* * *

"You enjoying the eggnog, Shellhead?"

Tony slowly slid the straw out of the mouth slit of his faceplate, relieved when it didn't get stuck. It had happened a few times before when he did it too quickly. "Jarvis's special recipe," he answered warmly, giving Steve a smile that he couldn't see. "I should probably ask you that. Eggnog any different from your time?"

Steve shrugged. "Milk's a little different, but I can't say I had much eggnog back in the day."

"That's a crime, Cap. You should fix that."

Steve shot him a sidelong look, smiling lopsidedly. "I'll get right on that."

"You should. Jarvis's eggnog shouldn't be wasted." Tony resisted the urge to give Steve his glass, instead taking another sip through the straw. The modifications he'd made to this faceplate were paying off.

"Party's just getting started. I've got time."

"Say that an hour from now when all the eggnog's gone."

Steve's smile was amused now, and it had Tony's stomach wiggling happily. He told it to stop.

Some minutes (three to be specific) later, Steve said, "Do you know if Mr. Stark's going to be here?"

Uncertain, Tony stalled by taking another sip of his almost empty eggnog. He wasn't sure why Steve was asking him about Tony Stark's whereabouts. Especially since Tony Stark had done his best to not get too close to any of the Avengers.

A chest plate and a failing heart didn't make for easy friendships.

"He said he had something to do," Tony said eventually. "He's not going to be here tonight. Why?"

"I just thought…since he put this together and all… He should be here to enjoy it, too."

Tony couldn't help but smile at Steve fondly, resting a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Trust me, Cap. Mr. Stark will be thrilled to know you're enjoying yourself. He put this together for all of you."

"Us," Steve said, giving Tony a look. "You're part of this, too, Iron Man."

Tony felt his cheeks warm, glad that his suit hid the blush from Steve. "Why do you think I'm here?" he said instead, lightly.

Steve's answering smile was warm and affectionate and sent Tony's stomach wiggling again (it didn't stop when he told it to). "I'm glad, Shellhead." His eyes darted up briefly before returning to Tony.

Tony had no time to react at all before Steve leaned and pressed his lips to the spot on his faceplate where his cheek would normally be. But he could feel his cheeks burning and his stomach turn over several times in no way related to the eggnog.

"Steve?" he managed, voice hoarse.

"Mistletoe," Steve said, pulling back. What was visible of his face under the cowl looked faintly pink. "Merry Christmas, Iron Man."

Mistletoe?

Tony looked up as Steve walked off, seeing the offending piece of mistletoe strung up on the ceiling. He didn't exactly remember ordering mistletoe, but apparently he must have done it.

Although Steve's kiss had been to the metal of the suit, Tony's cheek burned like it had been to skin instead.

* * *

"Of course I do," Tony told Steve. "How could I not?"

"Ah, well…" Steve's cheeks flushed lightly, so much like the pink hue they'd taken on after he'd kissed Tony on the faceplate during that party. "I didn't know if you did. It was…it was a long time ago."

"I remember the day we found you," Tony heard himself saying. "The best day of my life. How could I not remember your first Christmas with us?"

Steve's ears were pink now, and Tony resisted the urge to reach up and stroke a finger along the edge. "Oh, um…" His voice was soft, shy in a way it didn't usually sound like. "That's…I'm glad."

Tony caught sight of the mistletoe above their heads and leaned in to press a kiss to the side of Steve's jaw, smiling when he felt the heat of Steve's flush against his mouth. "Did you ever get to try the eggnog?" he murmured, lips moving against Steve's skin.

"I, uh…" Steve swallowed, head moving in the direction of Tony's mouth. "Yes."

Tony had seen Steve drink it, but that didn't mean he couldn't ask. Especially if Steve was under the impression that Tony didn't remember his first Christmas party (which was _ridiculous_ – how could he _not_ remember that?).

"And your consensus?" Tony couldn't help but smile slyly.

Steve shot him a look, eyes narrowing. "You know exactly what it was."

"My memory's failing," Tony said, "what with not being able to remember your first Christmas with us."

"Okay, message received." Steve reached up and curled his hand around Tony's eggnog, pulling it away without much protest. He finished the rest of it, thumb stroking gently at Tony's skin under his shirt.

"I'll be right back." Steve shot Tony a look, fingers digging into Tony's hip briefly before he let go. "Stay here?"

"Oh, sweetheart, you just want me under the mistletoe, don't you?"

Steve didn't look away, even though his blush was decidedly darker than before. "And if I do?"

"You don't need an excuse to kiss me, you know that."

"I know." Steve gave Tony a gentle smile. "But it wasn't always like this. And I guess I just like tradition."

Tony returned the smile, folding his arms. "Tradition, huh?"

* * *

It was the first time Tony was at one of these parties as both Tony Stark _and_ Iron Man. It has always only been as his bodyguard before. Now everyone here knew who he was, if only because Molecule Man had gotten one up on them.

Steve hadn't been able to look him in the eyes without a faint blush for days after that.

At least it hadn't been anger or disgust. Tony didn't know what he would have done with that (no, he would have holed himself up in his workshop and told himself to _man up, Stark, you're made of_ _iron_ ).

In any case, it was nice to be here without wearing the suit. He could actually eat something that wasn't liquid and designed to be ingested through a straw.

And Jarvis's eggnog was much better without a straw.

"Tony."

Tony looked up from the glass of eggnog he had been contemplating to see Steve standing there, looking strangely shy in a manner not at all befitting Captain America.

Although the outfit was all Cap, Tony had the feeling it was Steve Rogers facing him.

"Steve." Tony smiled brightly at him, raising his glass in greeting. "Having fun?"

"I should be asking you that," Steve said, eyes seeming to cover every inch of Tony's frame (which was a ludicrous thought). "You've always been in the suit before."

"Oh, you know, can't complain." Tony shrugged loosely. "It's nice being able to scratch my nose without having to duck into a closet."

Steve snorted. "Is that all?"

"Well…" Tony pretended to deliberate over his answer. "Being able to eat is nice, too."

Steve grinned at him, amusement lighting up his handsome face. "Yeah, I see that."

"How about you, big guy?" Tony tilted his head in the direction of the festivities. He restrained a wince upon seeing Carol "accidentally" shove a pie into Hank's face.

"I always enjoy them," Steve said, voice softening. "Especially when you're here."

Tony's chest warmed. "Yeah?"

"Of course, Shellhead." Steve stepped closer, ducking his chin slightly. The tip of his ears were pink, but there was no reason for him to be embarrassed that Tony could make out. "I miss you when you're not here."

"I try to be," Tony said, feeling his own cheeks heat. He brought his glass up to hide the telltale flush.

"I know," Steve said, meeting Tony's eyes. "I know you're real busy, so that you're still here – that you put this together for us every year – it means a lot." He paused, hands going to his waist belt; Tony suspected if he had pockets in the uniform he would have used those. "You know," he started slowly, haltingly, "I was always a little…disappointed that Mr. Stark was never there. Because he would arrange the parties, but then he'd never be there. I wanted to thank him for everything, but he never showed." His smile was wry. "But Iron Man did."

"I didn't always," Tony said, remembering one awful year when he'd been unable to attend because of being framed for murder.

"I missed you then," Steve said, the corner of his mouth turning up in a small smile. "I'm glad you're here now."

Tony's throat felt thick for no reason at all. He swallowed. "I think you said, Cap."

"Well, I'll say it again." Steve took another step towards him, bit his lower lip, and then ducked in to press a soft kiss to Tony's cheek. "Merry Christmas, Tony."

"Ca – Steve?" Tony blinked owlishly, frozen in place.

Steve pulled back, smile nervous. "Mistletoe."

Tony glanced up, seeing a sprig of mistletoe overhead that he was relatively sure hadn't been there before. Not that he'd checked before standing here, but surely he would've noticed that before?

He dropped his eyes to Steve, who still looked rather nervous. He managed a smile, one that felt far too wobbly for his taste. "Merry Christmas, Steve."

* * *

"Somehow you keep getting me under mistletoe," Tony said wryly.

"Just lucky, I guess." Steve flashed Tony an unrepentant grin. "Hold that thought."

Tony didn't exactly hold that thought as Steve wove his way back through the party in search of more eggnog. He contemplated it briefly and what it meant that Steve had somehow finagled Tony under mistletoe for practically every Christmas party for _years_ , but the current reality was too nice to ignore.

They'd wasted so much time, and Tony didn't like to linger on that. It was difficult to believe that he _did_ have this now, and it was something Steve always liked to remind him of whenever Tony got a little too maudlin (which was often).

Yet it was far too easy to remember how close he'd gotten to not having this. How many times he'd almost let this slip through his fingers due to his own stupidity and selfishness.

* * *

Jarvis had made nonalcoholic eggnog this time. It tasted just as good as it always did, but with a slight difference that only he noticed (because he was an _alcoholic_ ).

Thankfully no one had commented on the distinct lack of alcoholic beverages this year. Tony wasn't sure what he would have done if they had beyond shrugging loosely and pretending it didn't bother him.

"Hey, Tony."

Tony looked up, managing a weak smile when he saw Steve there. "Cap, hey." He wasn't entirely sure what Steve wanted to say (with the weight of what had happened _last year_ hanging over their heads like an ominous omen) and he didn't think he wanted to hear it so he continued speaking, "Hope you're enjoying yourself. It's not a party if you aren't."

"Tony." Great, now Steve was frowning.

"Sorry about last year," Tony said quickly before Steve could say anything more (wait, no, _wrong topic_ ). "I know we made this kind of a tradition for us but even tradition has to skip a year sometimes—"

" _Tony_." Now Steve looked _appalled_ , and that was definitely not what Tony had been going for.

Tony made the executive decision to shut up, taking solace in his drink and resolutely staring anywhere but at Steve.

Yet it was impossible to miss Steve's body heat as he moved closer, coming to stand directly by Tony. His friend was in civilian clothes this year, although a hint of blue chainmail peeked out of the top of his shirt where his collar was slightly disheveled.

"I'm just glad you're here," Steve said quietly. His words would have gotten lost in the din of the festivities if Tony's ears weren't so finely tuned to the sound of Steve's voice (he was aware that he was pathetic). "Last year…" He exhaled. "You scared me."

Tony wasn't sure what to say, only that he hadn't wanted to scare Steve. Or anyone, really. He hadn't been doing a lot of thinking at that point.

Steve waited a moment, probably for a response Tony didn't know how to give, before shifting his weight and crossing his arms over his chest, shoulders hunching in. "How are _you_ doing, Tony?"

This one Tony knew how to answer. "You know me, Cap. I'm fine."

When he looked, Steve was looking at him with worried eyes, lips pressed together.

"Yeah," Steve murmured eventually, sighing, "I guess you are."

Tony didn't say anything else, but he almost dropped his glass when Steve gave him a hug, followed by a tender kiss to his cheek.

"I'm not leaving, all right?" Steve was still hugging him, his breath warm against Tony's skin and setting his nerves afire. "If you need anything…I'll be here."

And then Steve was gone, and Tony found himself looking up for mistletoe – _anything_ to explain what had just happened.

There was no mistletoe, but Tony's cheek was still tingling where Steve had kissed him ( _why_?).

* * *

"That face doesn't look happy."

"Ah." Tony refocused to see Steve in front of him, holding two glasses. One was eggnog, and the other looked to be apple cider, steam curling through the air. "Which one's for me?"

Steve pressed the eggnog into Tony's hand, eyes scanning him. "Don't distract me."

"I'm not." Tony held the glass to his chest, biting the inside of his mouth. "I was just…remembering."

"Anything that puts that look on your face should be forgotten," Steve said.

"That's sweet," Tony said, smiling faintly, "but I'd rather remember it. It reminds me that I'm lucky to have this."

"Yeah?" Steve wrapped his arm around Tony's waist, tucking his thumb into Tony's waistband. He pressed a gentle kiss to Tony's temple. "That should be my line."

"It can be both our lines."

"I like that."

Tony leaned into Steve's reassuring warmth, watching their friends enjoy themselves. Peter was on the ceiling, a camera in hands. Logan had skulked off to his own corner a while ago, probably with some beer. Jan was flitting around – sometimes literally – but currently pressed together with Kamala, young Sam, and Miles. Carol and Rhodey had disappeared some time ago, as had Luke and Jess. Sam was talking to Thor, who had taken off her helmet for the occasion; it was still strange to see Jane instead of the Thor Tony had known for years.

The team hadn't always been so big. Once it had just been Jan, Hank, Thor, Steve, and him. The five founding Avengers.

Now…there were so many, and it was like the large extended family Tony had never known he wanted until he had it.

And he'd almost torn it apart through his decisions.

"Stop that," Steve murmured, arm tightening around Tony. "We're here now."

Tony closed his eyes, turning his head to press his nose behind Steve's ear and inhale, Steve's scent reassuringly familiar. "We are."

* * *

Several arguments, a civil war, and an alien invasion later, Tony found himself standing in the same room as Steve and not in an argument with his former best friend. That it was Christmas probably had something to do with the matter.

Steve was looking at him in a manner that suggested he really, _really_ wanted to say something and Tony doubted he'd like whatever it was.

They'd made up during their impromptu dimensional trip where Tony had been stark naked and Hel had a bone to pick with Thor, but that didn't mean things were back to normal. If they were, then Tony wouldn't be feeling so goddamn awkward around Steve. If they were, then Steve wouldn't be looking at Tony with this unreadable expression that honestly scared the shit out of Tony.

He couldn't remember that civil war – was so damn grateful that he _couldn't_ – but Steve did. And Steve didn't forget things like that.

Tony probably should talk to Steve, but he didn't want to – didn't want to hear whatever Steve had to say this time. Instead he flitted around the party, catching up with teammates that he hadn't seen in a while and getting to know those that were new.

But his luck being what it was, Steve eventually pinned him down when Tony went to find a quiet spot to breathe.

"Steve." Tony was glad that his voice didn't shake, and he gave his old friend a smile that was hopefully not too bright.

Steve's answering smile was gentler than Tony had expected given his earlier expressions. "Hey, Tony."

"Did you need something?"

"Yes." Steve's expression morphed into one Tony was keenly familiar with and which was entirely out of place in a party. It would be more fitting for a fight, and Steve didn't _look_ like he was about to punch Tony… "I…" He took a breath, eyes closing briefly.

Tony blinked, confused. "Steve?"

He didn't have much time to wonder what was going on with Steve because he was being kissed in the next instant, Steve's warm hands holding his face tenderly and his lips gentle but firm.

Fireworks went off in Tony's brain, even as the rest of him whirled in confusion and his hands fluttered uselessly (because what? This didn't make _sense_ ).

"Steve?" Tony mumbled as soon as he was able.

"I want this," Steve said, face mere inches from Tony's. He looked startlingly vulnerable. "I want you."

Tony stayed still, registering that Steve's hands were still on his face, that his lips tingled from where Steve had kissed him ( _kissed him_!), and that Steve had just said he _wanted Tony_. Nothing made sense.

"Steve," Tony repeated, like an idiot with no idea what to say.

Steve didn't seem deterred. "I've always wanted you. I just never knew how to say it, and I didn't want to ruin what we had. But I'm tired of waiting and you almost _died_. I don't know if I can deal with that, Tony. I don't want what happened before to happen again. I don't want to lose this; I don't want to lose you."

Finally, something in Tony's brain seemed to kick into gear, and he was able to touch Steve, his hands coming up to where Steve's were holding his face. "I'm here."

"You're my best friend," Steve said, pressing his forehead to Tony's. "But I want more, Tony." His hands trembled. "If you're willing to give it."

"Steve, I…" Tony blinked, dazed. He had to be dreaming, right? This wasn't happening.

Steve's laugh was weak. "It's happening."

He definitely hadn't meant to say that out loud. Tony kept his mouth firmly shut as he closed his eyes, breathing in and swimming in Steve's warmth and scent. He was so _close_.

"I don't want to ruin this," Tony said finally, voice a whisper.

"You can't." Steve's thumbs stroked Tony's cheeks. "You won't," he added.

"I almost did before."

"That was both of us, Tony. Shellhead." Steve's smile was weak. "I think we know better now, don't we?"

Tony's hands moved to grip hold of Steve's shirt. "You want this?"

Steve nodded, forehead moving against Tony's. "I do, I really do."

Tony's laugh was closer to a sob. "This better not be because there's mistletoe over us."

Steve's mouth was back on his, but it was gone before Tony could kiss back, only for Steve to press kisses to his cheeks, his nose, his forehead.

When Steve drew back, his eyes were bright and his cheeks flushed. "I…" He bit his lip, looking uncharacteristically shy. "The mistletoe was just an excuse before. Jan helped."

Tony snorted, then pulled Steve in for a kiss because it was about his turn to finally take the initiative and kiss him.

It wasn't until later that Steve said _I love you_ and Tony let himself hope that he could keep this.

* * *

"Why did it take us so long?" Tony didn't realize what he was about to say until he said it, the words quiet and almost lost to the noise around them.

Steve still heard him. "I didn't want to lose what I already had. But then I almost lost it anyway, and I couldn't stand knowing that you almost _died_." His breath hitched. "So what did I have to lose by trying?"

Tony set his glass down on the nearest flat surface, turning blindly into Steve to wrap his arms around him. "I'm glad you did."

Steve hugged him back, holding him tightly. "I'm only sorry I didn't do it sooner."

"You could have. I was a sure bet."

"I didn't know." Steve's laugh was wry. "You were so – so _brilliant_. Even when I only knew you as Iron Man, you were so amazing, and I was just…Steve. That first party…when I saw you under the mistletoe…I couldn't help myself."

"You surprised me," Tony admitted.

"It was the perfect excuse," Steve continued, pressing his face to Tony's shoulder. "And I just…kept doing it. Because if it was all I could get…"

"You had Sharon," Tony said.

"I tried to move on." Steve rested his chin on Tony's shoulder. "Didn't really work as well as it should have since I was still hung up on you. It wasn't fair to Sharon."

Tony rubbed a hand over Steve's back. "I can't believe it was for that long."

"Oh, Tony." Steve drew back, bringing a hand up to stroke the back of his fingers along the side of Tony's face. "Don't you know? It was always you."

This time when Tony kissed him, it wasn't because of mistletoe (even if that sprig was still hanging over their heads). It was because he wanted to. It was because he _could_.

And because it had always been Steve.

* * *

 **I know you wanted something like a look at Steve and Tony's relationship through the years, so this is what I came up with. Ignoring all current canon because HYDRA WHO? and the incursions because why would I bring that angst into this house?**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed the read, and please let me know what you thought!**


End file.
